Are the Olympics Over Yet?

Are the Olympics over yet? I like sports as much as the next guy but seriously, this is ridiculous. It wouldn’t be so bad if I could choose which events I got to see, or if they would stop interrupting one event to show another. Its already tape delayed, its not like they are switching to the other event for some breaking news, they’re just doing it to sucker you into watching some crap event for an hour while you are waiting for the finals of whatever it was cared about. It also wouldn’t be so bad if they didn’t have to bring you some heartwarming story about how every single competitor overcame such huge adversity to make it where they are and blah blah blah. Half of that garbage is too much even for Lifetime or the Hallmark channel. I have an idea, how about you cut out the girly crap and show some curling during prime time?

And whoever decided that figure skating is the one “sport” that should be broadcast in prime time every single day needs to be shot. You can’t distinguish between one routine and another without the announcer’s help, and it doesn’t seem like it really matters what anyone does anyway. The favorites get bonus points just for being the favorites and the winners are basically predetermined. One of the guys dropped his partner; they stopped the routine for a few minutes while she walked (skated) it off. Then they started again, and still came in second. I call BS on that. Once they stopped skating they should be DQed. They got sympathy points for her skating on a busted knew. If they didn’t screw up in the first place her knee wouldn’t have been busted, and then maybe they would have deserved a medal. And yes I have watched an awful lot of figure skating for some one who claims to hate it. Shut up. I told you they trick you into watching events you don’t care about by switching back and forth. Plus the wife yells at me whenever I try to switch to basketball.

Speaking of watching too much figure skating and crappy mini documentaries, did you see the one about that one American figure skater? He’s the bad boy of figure skating. He’s a total rebel, and people are scared of what he might do or say next. If you saw that and didn’t bust out laughing then you must have some serious comedy recognition problems. This kid reminded me of Zoolander. He thought he was such a badass and all I could think was “dude, you’re a figure skater. No one cares. No one besides the ten people who watch this crap outside of the Olympics are going to know who you are in a week. I’d take any non figure skating athlete off the US women’s team in a street fight over you any day.” And then, after what seemed like an eternity, documenting his non conforming rebelliousness, he went on the ice dressed as a swan. A rebellious trouble making badass swan. Although maybe he accomplished his goal after all because now I’m talking about him. Doh.

In other amusing figure skating news, did you see the video of that Russian guy that just planted his partner on her face during some lift move a few years ago? She got knocked the fuck out. Now that was some good TV. That’s what the sport needs some more of. It needs a villainous skater who turns on his partners during their routines, or bitter rivals that go all Tonya Harding on each other. Just let the professional wrestling promoters get a hold of figure skating and then maybe it would be worth watching.

That’s why short track used to be fun to watch, before it got popular. Nothing says fun like roller derby on ice.

So yeah. Enough of the Olympics already. I'm missing Scrubs and The Office for this.