Things that suck for $100

I’ll take “Things that Suck" for $100 Alex.


A. Last week this volleyball team managed to score only7 points across three games. This week they managed 8 (count them 8) points in both of the first two games they played, before only putting up two in the final match.

Q. Who are the Fighting Banana Slugs?

Actually we didn’t really play all that badly, but I’m working on a theme, so bear with me.. We only had four people show up. We have like 12 people on our roster and four showed up. People are out of town, or they had their wisdom teeth removed, or they came down with poison ivy, whatever excuse they can come up with to not show up. Despite our poor attendance we played ok and actually held a lead on more than one occasion. At this rate, maybe we’ll actually win a game next week. I wouldn’t bet on it though.

Moving on, “Things that Suck" for $200.

A. This genius decided to only bring half of his laptop to work today, opting to leave the power supply and mouse at home.

Q. Who am I?

That’s right, I decided that since my battery lasts about half an hour, I didn’t really need to bring my power adapter to work today. And the mouse? Who needs it when I have a touchpad? Any other day of the week, this would have been fine, I could have just gone home and worked from there. Today I had the previously mentioned volleyball game which is a half hour in the opposite direction from my house. So instead, I had to trade batteries about every hour with the other people in the office with the same laptop and the common sense to actually bring all the needed parts to work.

How about “Things that suck” for $300?

A. Despite having what appears to be a pretty good team on paper, this Chicago baseball team has put on quite a display of suckyness. Whether through injuries, or crappy play, they just keep finding ways to lose.

Q. Who are the Chicago Cubs?

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. The Cubs suck. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. That winning streak they were on a few weeks ago. That was just to set you up for the current bout of absolute crap that they have been calling professional baseball recently. Just when I start to think they can’t suck anymore they let a runner score from first base on a single. And can someone explain to me why their backup utility infielder is playing center field while they have three left fielders on the roster? Anyone? Bueller?

“Things that Suck" for $400

A. This once proud Midwestern football franchise seems destined for yet another year at the bottom of their division.

Q. Who are the Chicago Bears?

OK, fine, I didn’t actually watch the game tonight. I was busy getting my ass kicked in volleyball for most of the first quarter, and I listened to the rest of the quarter on my drive home. By the time I got home the first string was out, and I stopped caring. Although if the past few seasons are any indication I should really be watching the third and fourth stringers since chances are they‘ll be starting halfway through the season. I wouldn’t be at all surprised if Kyle Orton takes more snaps this season than Grossman or Hutchinson. If they stay healthy I would guess eight wins this year. Since they won’t, I’d be pleasantly surprised with five.

Lets finish it off. “Things that Suck" for $500.

A. After not being used for about a month, this seems to have reverted back to a state of some horrible combination of fishyness and tilt resulting in a moderately large dent being taken out of the writer of your favorite blog’s bankroll.

No not that blog.

This one. Smart ass.

Q. What are my poker skills?

Yeah. I tried playing some ring games on Fulltilt this weekend after busting out of a tournament. Just for the record, playing while slightly drunk and pissed off: not a good idea. I love it when I put repeatedly put someone on a hand that has me practically drawing dead, yet I call all the way to the river just to make sure I was right. And I was. A lot. I played a little more later on when I was less intoxicated, and tilty, and played just about as poorly. I think a lot of it had to do with getting crappy cards and some really good second best hands, but I still should have done better. Fortunately two hands before I left I had pocket fours and flopped a set, with an ace on the board. The turn brought a second ace, giving me the full house and someone else trip aces. I almost broke even thanks to that hand.